Bisexual FAQ
From BiOrgResources
Introduction
This was the main task of the Saturday of the 15/16 April bi activist weekend. All of these need fleshing out, currently...
What is bisexuality? Bi-curious?
Bisexuality, broadly defined, is capability of having romantic or sexual attachments to people of more than one gender. The 'bi' element is sometimes understood as indicating that bisexual people have specific attraction to people of masculine and feminine gender; this interpretation is not universal. Terms like 'pansexual' and 'omnisexual' are sometimes used to indicate a wider range of gender acceptance, but bisexual is often used as the catch-all term.
The expression 'bi-curious' can mean simply 'curious about bisexuality'. It is more often used to suggest that a straight or gay person (usually straight) is considering the possibility that they may be bisexual to some extent. The term is viewed with caution by many bisexuals because of its common use in pornography and sex phone chat advertisements to suggest a voyeuristic approach to sexual exploration and experimentation.
How many bisexuals are there?
Aren't you all really gay?
It depends how you define 'gay'. No, we're not all only really interested in our own sex/gender. If we were, we wouldn't be especially bisexual.
The historian John Boswell habitually used 'gay' to indicate 'more interested in one's own gender than any other', and quite a lot more of us fit that definition, but still not all. A fair number are somewhat more interested in other genders than their own, and a lot identify themselves as being more or less balanced between these two attractions.
Isn’t everyone bisexual?
We can ask the same question back if for example the questioner is transsexual: Why isn't everyone transsexual?
No one personality trait is universal and applies to all. Look around. There are a whole range of traits. We are not all the same. Some people like Mexican food, some like Mediterranean, some like both. Some people have a preference for one gender, some for more than one gender, some don't have a gender preference at all. There are counter examples - people who don't act or call themselves bisexual.
Some people think everyone should be like them so if they are bi they think everyone must be. Freud wrote about everyone being bisexual (and polymorphously perverse - able to get off on anything) and then developing an orientation towards the opposite sex.
Does that mean you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend?
Balance between gender activity – a ‘proper’ bisexual
People have different preferences. Attraction can be based on whom you have met and on fantasies. Behavior can be limited by opportunity. Some bisexuals are monogamous, some polyamorous. Some people "prefer bisexuals" rather expressing a preference based on gender. You can ask: "Think back to a year before you lost your virginity. What was your sexual orientation?" - you can "just know" without having had sex.
Excuse to go outside marriage/monogamy? Cheating?
Do you need both? Does a married heterosexual woman find other men attractive? Does she act on that? Cheating happens. It happens to heterosexuals and gay people too (shock!). The big question is between "need" and "want".
An excuse to cheat is a separate thing from bisexuality. Some people may feel trapped in previous arrangements. They may change or be coming to terms with their sexuality. Temptations may be there from people of the same or the opposite sex. There are temptations for heterosexuals and gay people too, just only of one gender. What support can we give to someone cheating or tempted to cheat? If we just condemn them they are likely to continue but underground.
Also, beware of confusing cheating with forms of consensual non-monogamy.
Process of coming out
Problems faced by; coming out again; going back in?
Is it just a phase?
Can ask back: "Would you come out in a hostile environment?"
Are you assuming someone is gay / straight (particularly if they are part of a couple) so they have to come out as bi?
The words "Gay" and "Queer" can be used to include bisexuals.
Is their sexuality a primary question? Do they know the word? Are they being pushed?
(the next bit might want to be moved) We have a "bi" label, "bi" behavior and "bi" attraction. Which are we talking about?
Being bi in different communities
not so much FAQ as issue we would like to raise
Perhaps a leaflet on what it is like to be bi and Asian etc.? What does it mean to be an "outsider"?
Looking at eg. BiCon demographics why do we see mainly white middle-class people?
Not real (authenticity)
Self-determination! Who are you to define my reality? If you think you know me so well, what are the six numbers I am thinking of?
Sexual health and pollution / disease?
Unsafe sex spreads disease. END.
Immaturity?
Pregnancy is a phase. Being a teacher is a phase. Transition to or from gay, straight is fine. What about having blond hair? Transition or permanent? What about grey hair?
Where are the bisexuals?
Demographics
Invisibility: Is someone separating out that part of their self? People may also be vegetarian or like good wine and choose to talk about one more than other or be involved with groups of people similar in that part of themselves. Some will use "queer" or an inclusive "gay."
Tell them about our events!
Lack of commercial scene
We have events! Have bi commercial spaces been tried?
Biphobia
Concrete examples and anecdotes
Also invisibility, what is in the papers, jokes.
FAQ for partners
Will they be faithful? Will they leave me? What about our kids?
